She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
