He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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