From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
