My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
