I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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