I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
