I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
