So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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