i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
