Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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