just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
