A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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