I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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