he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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