Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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