Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize