There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize