someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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