i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
