the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
