So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
