Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
