I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
