Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
