I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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