There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
