I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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