I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
