mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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