she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
