Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize