My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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