So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
