Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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