Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize