College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
