Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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