I will die if light touches me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize