Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
