i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
