dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
