I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
