I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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