I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Houston, we have a blender
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
