Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
