if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
