Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
