it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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