True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
