I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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