I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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