just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize