he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
