I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
