I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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