Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize