He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
