I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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