My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
