he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
