I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
