ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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