i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
