It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
