I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
