he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
